Friday, March 21, 2008

Spring Break: San Francisco...too cold for wet tee shirts, warm enough to almost not have to wear a jacket

oh but many a- san francisco treat did i find!

sf is where recent graduates of hyper-liberal east coast universities come to die...

only to be reborn as mid-to-late 20's too-laid back-to-be-labeled-hipsters (hipsters!) musicians and artists!
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quake of 1906, it was a good quake


the obsessively svelt new york frame is no where to be found
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and happy burrito bellies are king
(here is a picture showing a popular san francisco burrito)

at a flea market, perusing the semi-charming goods (third eye blind reference, theyre based here, yall!!)
happened upon a case with wonderous trinkets and baubles
when the case snapped closed and the rusty WWII knife (WHO'S IDEA WHAT THIS?!)holding it open
shot out and sliced open my finger (tetanus)
spawning the soon-to-be urban dictionary phrase
"stealin' the knife that cut ya"


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it soon became apparent that age and time do not exist in california


more delights for the senses:
the aptly named "john bum jovi" (his label, not mine)
hipster knoll (a crowded hillside littered with upwards of 300 goofballs, most on fixed gears, which is stupid in a city with 90-degree hills)
the dave eggers-less, dave eggers run pirate store
but why oh why didnt i get to see/feel dave eggers?!
burritos, burritos, burritos
everyone's general stoned apathy (more vaguely content and well humored)
absinthe drink - the "mood swing" (had a few of those)
possible bum piss on everything
travelling to mexico, china and japan in only a few square miles (and boy were my arms tired!)

but the kicker was leaving my I.D. AND cell phone at my brother's apt
yet STILL allowed to get on the plane
dear America: your airport security is sleeping on the jobbb
good thing i wasn't the next shoe bomber! (can you fit a bomb into flip flops?)

Monday, March 17, 2008

BUT HOW WILL HE SEE THE NEXT 9/11 COMING?!?

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Paterson sworn in as New York governor

p.s. see also: He is Black, Too

p.p.s. did you catch it?! that see also is also a joke because he cannot see because he is blind. also, he is black. did you know he is black?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

BREAKING

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article902014.ece

Thursday, March 6, 2008

spending daddy's money!

Excerpts from 1996 Tanglewood Security Log Book:

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tanglewood's greatest patrons: the dying

Saturday, June 22
5:30 am
New Jersey Tag Saab 900 Turbo
Four punks gave me a hard time but I put an end to It

Sunday, June 23
12:48 pm
Observed individual pull into Mrs. Kiley’s driveway. A man stepped out of the car and appeared to be urinating on her lawn. We went over and he was identified as Dave Kiley.

Wednesday, June 26
8:00 am
Thad finished his shift and was happy to leave.

Tuesday, July 9
3:25 am
VW Rabbit MA plates. right in front of Beach House humping - asked to leave

Thursday, July 11
8:00 am
Ian arrived at post, prepared for action.

Friday, July 12
3:55 am
Interior round completed.
Note: There are 2 guys with British accents in the room across from Mr. Mooney’s office. They appeared to be doing a BBC radio broadcast, or working for BBC, or something along those lines. Bloody good, okay?

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my dead gay son - huge fan of the brits.

Friday, July 19
11:45 pm
Drove a couple out to upper west lot to find their blue minivan. After dropping them off, on the way out, the truck got stuck in the mud. Radioed Ian for assistance, but he was of no help. Eventually got grounds crew (& George) to drag us out - Jason

Jason -
I’m truly sorry that I couldn’t find my superman suit and find enough strength to pull it out myself.
- Ian

2:00 am
Exterior Round 1 complete - spent another 2 hours looking for light switches. WE NEED A LIGHT SWITCH MAP!!

Saturday, July 19
11:00 pm
Was accosted by an old man who did not appreciate that he could not be let out of the lot immediately. He remarked that I didn’t have a brain. I told him I was glad to have my youth. He referred to me as ‘Skipper’ - Jason
Also, Stage Manager was at the beach with his boat. He yelled over to make sure I knew who he was. He may have been inebriated.

Monday, July 22
7:52 am
Observed, what appeared to be a hawk, slowly killing either a rodent or a small bird about 15 ft from the dumpster. Very interesting.

5:38 pm
Man drove his Acura into white parking barrier, scratching his car. He got out and told me the barriers were too small to see. I said “Oh”. He then drove away.

Friday, July 26
2:20 pm
A patron notified me of a quivering bat lying on the lawn. I went + looked at it.
2:32 pm
I went and picked up the bat w/ dust pan and carried it to the woods behind Bathrooms. I then killed the bat with a large rock.

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this is a picture of a dead bat, as compared to a pair of pink sunglasses.

Saturday, July 27
7:00 am
Talked to by Dave Sturma regarding walking the grounds looking for change. (At the time I was walking the grounds looking for change) He was very displeased with me, and expressed his emotions. I might not have a job after this, he said. There has been nothing particulary active about this morning. Apparently, grounds crew likes to find change when they’re doing their job of cleaning up after a large concert. I apologized to Mr. Sturma but he said we’re going to have a talk with Mr. Mooney. I am not ever going to look for change again. This was my first and last time. I found $1.82. I was prompted to do this by Thad’s suggestion, who said he found $5.50 last weekend. I was only out there for twenty minutes. I apologize to the rest of security for bringing the good name of Tanglewood security guards down however much I have, & hope Mr. Mooney will understand I was bored.

Sunday, July 28
Noon
Spotted a kid no older than 12 wearing an ‘intercourse university’ tee shirt.

Tuesday, July 30
1:35 am
I am being circled by a skunk. I don’t want to be sprayed here in the tub - or else I will have to sit in one for weeks.

3:30 am
3 cars driving over lawn near Cafe 2. Requested them to turn down loud music. Turned down. Crazy drunks.

3:45 am
Request #2 - stop drum/bongo music

8:00 am
Sean checked out - SOBER!

Monday, August 5
12 noon
car alarm goes off at box office. there are people in the car, but they let it go on for a minute or so. They finally stop it, & then set it off again. It is loud & annoying. I speak with them.

6:50 pm
2 men playing horseshoes next to garage. Claimed to be friends of Ron Garaty + Scott Tennery. Didn’t seem a problem with it. Everything seems to be in good order.

Tuesday, August 13
1:45 pm
Told old man to move his car from the front of the Glass House. wife gets out. He drove over her foot. She can still walk. He can’t drive. Simple as that!

Monday, August 19
1:00 pm
played blackjack with Mr. Mooney

Friday, August 23
3:00 pm
A patron came up to me and asked me about the schedule tomorrow. I told her that there is an open rehearsal in the morning & it should say so in the schedule (she was holding it). She said “OH - how do I find out?” I gently took the schedule and showed her the page.

Saturday, August 24
2:10 am
2 individuals playing trombones on the shed stage with a small audience. I told them to stop. Pete Fitzinger thought it was funny + said it was no big deal. I thought it was because it was extremely loud.

Monday, August 26
4:50 pm
verbally abused Yo Yo Ma for driving on the lawn. He was gracious enough to not have me fired.

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hey look it's yo yo ma...in a macintosh ad?? GOD WHAT A SELL-OUT!!!

12:00 am
** In response to the note saying I left Ozawa + Bernstein gate open, I did check + lock Ozawa + ALL exterior gates!!! Maybe it was the stagehand, who now sleeps in Ozawawho left the door unlocked when he left. I have no idea how the gate opened!!!**

* The stage hand who was sleeping in Ozawa is now sleeping in Shed in Pete Fitzinger’s office.

Note: Rehearsal shed near pond, past OCH smells like death and is infested with ants.

Thursday, August 29
1:15 pm
A lady drove her car in from the Lions Gate through to the Main Gate. Baty told her not to drive on the grounds. So she pulled out & around & attempted to drive back through. I yelled at her to stop & she was mad and said ‘Well how are we supposed to get out?’ I alerted her to the fact that 183 is right over there. She didn’t realize that past the parking lot was a road.

Friday, August 30
1:05 pm
Called up the kitchen & asked what they did with their spare meals. He said they throw ‘em out. So, I asked if we could have them. He brought over 3 hamburgers, a hot dog, fries, & 2 doughnuts.

Saturday, August 31
12:55 am
Golf cart came from East Lot & drove through Main Gate. It was the Cafeteria Man. He mumbled something and drove into the grounds.

Monday, March 3, 2008